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After we had kissed her mother came to me and hugged me – she said don’t regret this – I think you teo really like each other. As she walked me to the door she said to me, ‘In a way I am glad I caught you before anything dramatic happened. Accidents do happen and what you were doing is dangerous’ she could easily have fallen pregnant. Then she said – ‘don’t worry about being found out – it happened to me and I would never want anybody to go through what I did’.I just said ‘thank you’.The day after her mother took her to the doctor. Julie was horrified when the doctor wanted to examine her internally and she said it was horrible. The doctor wanted to make sure everything was normal and there was no infection for some reason. She said what horrified her most was she had shaved her hair the day before we got caught and the doctor said it looks nicer all clean and tidy. She had worried the doctor would say something about her shaving it, but she seemed to like it like that. She asked if. It wasn’t the drug that was so addicting. It was getting lost in a place where I felt no pain, no sadness, no hurt. That was what kept me coming back. I needed to feel that, even if just for a little bit. That seduction was what kept me from running away; the promise of something beautiful in my life. But it was killing me, too. Not just my body, but my heart. Giving up so much of myself just for that fix. When I wasn’t high I began to despise myself. That’s why I’d let myself get caught. Seattle, Summer ‘09 I’d thought about her more than once. Just random thoughts like, I wonder how she’s doing. I could have checked, of course, but I think I’d rather continue with the fantasy of her kicking her habit and getting her life back together than be confronted with the truth; that she was back on the street, strung out, turning tricks for just one more hit. Or, just as likely, on a coroner’s slab in the city morgue, listed as yet another Jane Doe. “Officer Zuniga. Remember me?” I looked.
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